The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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