My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
whose parrot is this?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
