i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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