btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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