woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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