well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The struggles of a small town man whore
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
