WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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