Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
