Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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