So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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