I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
