its not stalking. its research.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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