i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
