Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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