hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
