I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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