even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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