I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
