She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
