Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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