He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
