it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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