all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
