it hurts more in the daytime
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
