shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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