Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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