I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
