Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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