you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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