I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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