Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
