Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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