Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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