Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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