Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
