How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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