hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
