When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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