mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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