we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize