woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
