Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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