I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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