Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
