i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
