evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
