Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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