she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
