There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
