how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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