I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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