do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Two words: nipple clamps
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