It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
