if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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