Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
