I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
