I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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