Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
