Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
