I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
