I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
