I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
