you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
