you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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