My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
