Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
