So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
