About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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