I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
