Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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