New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I want her autograph on my taint
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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