counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
