this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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