Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
