Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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