I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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