just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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